Cliche post: The Recap

So what had 2011 taught me?

To be frank, 2011 started a bit rough for me. It was a bumpy ride. And i mean REALLY bumpy. Some of you might think i overreacted, and some of you might even be rolling your eyes while you read this saying "Haa dah start dah Nina ni nak kenang cerita lama lepas tu sedih tah apa apa padahal benda kecik jaa pun amagad go get a life woman". Ok sebenarnya dialog tu aku rasa macam nak cakap dekat diri sendiri. But anyway, that doesnt changed the fact that i was hurt.

Bukan putus cinta ok. Bunyi macam putus cinta kan? Ok geli.

But seriously, the thing that happened makes it hard for me to trust again. Truthfully, i dont know why it affected me so much. It's not like i've never experienced it before. But this one was slightly different. I cried. Sumpah, aku sendiri pun tak faham! Jangan kata saya pondan, please!

As time goes by, the wound slowly healed. The scar's still there, right to this very day, but it's healing. I see the people who hurt me everyday. Back then, yes, it hurts. But now i can just look at them without feeling anything. Nak kutuk pun macam dah buang masa.

And then there's the usual. Exam jitters, study stress and all. Despite the hardship i was going through earlier that year, my grades were pretty good. In fact, i'm even surprised by myself to be able to achieve those grades. Felt like saying "Hah! In your face!" to them but naaah that wouldnt make me a better person. But i did make one jealous hewhew.

Talk about jealousy, 2011's a bit weird for me because i had to handle a lot of jealousy problems... towards me. First, that doesnt even make sense. Why should anyone be jealous of me? Looking at myself in the mirror, all i see is an ugly girl with perut buncit. I'm not even adorable, smart, nor special in any way. Other girls should never have insecurities when dealing with me, cause girl, i aint got nothing. And last time i checked, it's not wrong for a girl to be friends with boys. I was never going to steal anyone's man, or even control anyone in any way. I know the boundaries. But when you let your insecurities eat you, then you're dead meat. This is really funny actually. Jealousy. Even typing the word makes me wanna laugh. Haha.

Towards the end of the year, i think things turned out pretty well. I gained more friends, but the ones i lost, i will never take them back. Call me cold, but that's just the way i roll. But as things goes smoothly, i found myself enjoying too much, which resulted in the fall of my grades. Why is it that when i'm happy, my grades dropped? Maybe i should be miserable to be smart. Haha.

Anyway, i think the biggest thing that 2011 had taught me is TO NOT EVER TRUST PEOPLE SO EASILY. I'm finding it harder to trust people now. I'm always having doubts and negative thoughts. And with that, i lose hope. In fact, i dont even hope for anything anymore. Because i dont trust anyone to even give hope on them. And i think that will save me from all the heartbreak (Ok serious aku bercakap ni macam orang putus cinta. Tapi masih tak). Pathetic, huh? Gosh, this has got to stop. It makes me sound like i should go and see a therapist and talk about it.

So my 2012's resolution? To learn to trust again. And to have more friends, better grades, be a better muslimah and daughter. And maybe a new relationship? Hewhew. Ni semua sebab kawan kawan dok tweet azam 2012 nak cari calon suami/bini. Shit gatal sungguh semuanya. Mentang mentang dah 20 semua bajet matured puii. Haha.

Oh well. Actually i dont have specific resolutions, cause i'd end up screwing them anyway. So why bother. But i do want to improve myself as a person this year. Let's hope future Nina is better than present Nina!

Happy New Year guys. The world ends in 2012? Lols. Korang lek je k.