Hello, i am not a heartless monster & i am slowly learning

These few days a lot of people have been telling me off.

I was told that i was heartless, that i didn't care enough about others, that i lack emotions, that i am slow in picking up things, that i am always giving wrong responses, that i am ignorant and bla bla the list goes on.

Well okay, those were not the exact words, but i know that's where they're heading. And who are they to blame? I know i am at fault here. Truth is, i've realized that i have these problems a long time ago. But instead of taking care of them, i completely ignored these problems. I've been living with the fact that that's the way i am, take it or leave it.

But i can't be like this forever, no? I've hurt people in so many ways, with this attitude of mine, intentionally or unintentionally. I do feel sorry for them, i do, but sometimes i have my own reasons too.

For instance, you say i show lack of concern because i don't regularly ask. Well, i have this principle of listening only when you're ready to tell. I'm thinking, "Hey, if he/she wants me to know, he/she would just tell. If he/she's not telling, don't bother to ask cause maybe he/she's not ready to open up." Simple.

Sometimes i feel like i don't have the right to sniff on other people's problems. Who am i to ask sensitive issues about your family? Who am i to meddle into your relationship problems? But apparently, after listening to the lectures that my friends had given me, some people do want others to pay attention to their personal life. But through experiences, i have met other people who gets annoyed when people asks this and that. So tell me, how can we differentiate between these two types of people?? When to ask, when to stay quiet?? Ah this is making me half crazy.

Don't get me wrong. I am not giving excuses nor am i denying i am wrong. I'm just here giving my reasons and writing about my confusions. After days of lectures and talks on "How i should care about other people more blabla", i am now willing to learn this so-called "caring" thing, but baby steps eh? Go slow on me.

You know what, at times i do care. I just have a problem of expressing it. Those who have read the post i wrote about my dad on Father's Day, you should know that i have this problem towards my family too. These people, the ones close to me, it's not that they didn't matter, but sometimes i have a hard time showing them and letting them know that they in fact do matter to me.

This problem had cost me a few relationships before this, so when i came to think about it, i think i really do need to change. Bit by bit.

One of my friend had even recently told me that i have no common sense.

Man, this is severe.