Me and kids. We have this relationship that even i can't explain. Google it, search it up in a gigantic dictionary. You wouldn't find any word to describe my relationship with this small creature we call... KIDS. *cue scary evil music*
You know how i'm always "Awh this kid's so cute i feel like i wanna blow him up to pieces" or "Come here you adorable little thing let me eat you up". Back then, i actually meant those words literally. If only the law allowed me to do that. Because when i say i want to blow a kid to pieces, i really do want to blow the kid to pieces.
Why? Because kids are annoying for crying out loud.
But as i grow older, i realized it's time for me to change my perspective on kids. I cant be hating on them forever can i? So instead of putting a sign that reads "I HATE KIDS" i toned it down a little bit by changing it to "I MIGHT LIKE KIDS IF THEY'RE ONE DIGIT OLD AND DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO TALK YET. AND THEY HAVE TO BE CUTE. AND DOES NOT PUKE ALL OVER ME."
So over the years, i have slowly ease myself into finally connecting with kids. And hey. They weren't so bad after all. Some of them are genuinely cute and had successfully made me go "Awww" in my heart sometimes. I tried so hard, it comes to a point now when every kid i see excites me.
Kid walks by me, i pinch cheek. Kid runs, i chase. Kid smiles, i touch.
Aaaaa so many cute little kids running around everywhere in this world, they should all gather around in small groups and arrange themselves like bowling pins so that i could knock em up with a bowling bowl!!
But i'm so tied up with trying to let myself to like kids, i forgot to actually try and make kids like me. Who am i kidding. I failed sometimes. Tried playing with a kid and ended up looking like a loser. Sometimes i think i tried hard enough, but to others it looked like i wasn't even trying. And sometimes i'm doing it the wrong way and didn't even realized it until it's too late. Hmmm kids used to hate me big time.
Proof 1 : Once i was assigned to take care of my little cousins. They ended up crying with no apparent reason, so i got mad. And i left them crying and rolling on the floor. I just left them until they shut up. Don't worry they still love me now.
Proof 2 : Bought this sweet lil kid an orange juice, trying to be nice and all. She stared at the orange juice for quite some time, not even drinking it. Much later, i found out that apparently she does not know how to open the bottle juice. Poor kid so thirsty, but who the hell does not know how to open a bottle? Pfft. Sissy.
Proof 3 : I always try to attract kids by stealing their toys. That way, they would want em back and come near me. Nahhh but most of the kids would end up crying or go running to their mom saying "Mama mama kakak tu curi mainan waaaa". Yup, happened a couple of times.
Proof 4 : I make fake fun facts to kids just so that i would look cool. But my so-called fun facts always sounds scary. I once lied to a kid that i have a double personality, and this other me would get really mad whenever she's hungry. Made the kid scared by making scary faces and he ended up giving me food so that i can eat and be nice again. Haha stupid kids, so naive.
Proof 5 : You know how kids can go all "Why this? Why that? Why this colour? What is the name? How? Where? Why? WHY? WHY??" Man, like shut up already! This is what i hate most when it comes to kids. They have like gazillions questions inside that tiny head of theirs and i'm sorry but dear old me does not have the bloody time to answer each and one of em. That's why i said that i might like kids if the kid does not know how to talk yet. That way, the kid can keep all the questions to his/herself. Yelled at kids a couple of times because of this, and of course it made em cry. Hooray.
I am so not mommy material. Yet. Eheh. Hehehehe.
You see, kids are fun and cute, sure. But at times they can get so annoying i feel like i'd rather play dead than having to entertain them. So yeah, i created this stupid ways for me to connect with them just so that i can have fun in it too. But hey it works sometime. Some people are telling me that i am getting better at this.
KIDS LOVE ME NOW! YAY! *fireworks*
Of course people love kids. Who would not? They're cute. Funny. Adorable. Fat. Stupid. All the qualities of a lovable human being. And i tell you this, i am actually starting to love kids too. Sincerely. Just as long as they're mighty cute. And doesn't talk at all. And doesn't puke all over me. And does not have snot dangling from they're nose. And have a nice haircut. And doesn't ask me stupid questions.
Now i don't sound sincere at all do i?
But i do love kids :)
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