Goodbye Ramadhan, hello Syawal

So how's Ramadhan treating you? Let me guess. Sudden will to do more ibadah, weird (and expensive) cravings for iftar, the urge to shop shamelessly (and labeling each item as 'barang raya' even though that's not really the case)?

If you're nodding then dont worry cause you're perfectly normal. Haha.

One month flew by so fast that i barely notice Syawal is nearing. It's freaking Hari Raya the day after tomorrow! Frankly speaking, Raya never really excites me that much. Yes, i love the food. Yes, i love the environment. But every year i'd end up spending my first day of Raya babysitting or washing the dishes. I don't really have friends at kampung, so none would come visit. Those who came would be all the mak ciks and pak ciks and neneks that i don't even recognize (but somehow should). And my cousins (dad's side) are all babies and underaged so i can't really hang with them, unless, i learn how to speak goo goo gaa gaa language.

So yeah. Raya to me is just.... dull. I'm just hoping that all the food would cheer me up.

Speaking about Raya, i sent my friend Azizah Hamizah at the airport the other day with a bunch of friends. Can you believe that? She's flying to the States just weeks before Raya. Must be hard for her, huh? And her parents too. Saw them crying the other day and the atmosphere just went really gloomy. But anyways, we wish her the best of luck in the States!

With the lucky girl

I just love this photo. Kudos to Farisha.

On the same day i had iftar with my girls. Not so many came like last year, but it was okay. We had fun with just us 12. It was a very chilled day where we just sat and talked about stuff, stuff happening in our life. No shopping, just eat talk eat talk. I obviously like the eating part. Haha.

With Emira, yang tidak kenal erti penat lelah picking me up from my house. Every. Time.

Polaroid photos of us. Kudos to Adillah Roney.

I think i might not be able to post anything anytime soon, so let me just wish an early SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI to those celebrating. Apologies from head to toe. I know i can be a pain in the ass sometimes hehs. Oh and yes yes of course i won't forgive you that easily, you monsters. Gonna have to feed me with free food or duit raya to gain my forgiveness.

Joking lah.

Eh not really. I seriously won't forgive that easily.

Talking crap now. Kbye.

Cop. Baju raya saya colour hitam, siapa geng?

Hello, i am not a heartless monster & i am slowly learning

These few days a lot of people have been telling me off.

I was told that i was heartless, that i didn't care enough about others, that i lack emotions, that i am slow in picking up things, that i am always giving wrong responses, that i am ignorant and bla bla the list goes on.

Well okay, those were not the exact words, but i know that's where they're heading. And who are they to blame? I know i am at fault here. Truth is, i've realized that i have these problems a long time ago. But instead of taking care of them, i completely ignored these problems. I've been living with the fact that that's the way i am, take it or leave it.

But i can't be like this forever, no? I've hurt people in so many ways, with this attitude of mine, intentionally or unintentionally. I do feel sorry for them, i do, but sometimes i have my own reasons too.

For instance, you say i show lack of concern because i don't regularly ask. Well, i have this principle of listening only when you're ready to tell. I'm thinking, "Hey, if he/she wants me to know, he/she would just tell. If he/she's not telling, don't bother to ask cause maybe he/she's not ready to open up." Simple.

Sometimes i feel like i don't have the right to sniff on other people's problems. Who am i to ask sensitive issues about your family? Who am i to meddle into your relationship problems? But apparently, after listening to the lectures that my friends had given me, some people do want others to pay attention to their personal life. But through experiences, i have met other people who gets annoyed when people asks this and that. So tell me, how can we differentiate between these two types of people?? When to ask, when to stay quiet?? Ah this is making me half crazy.

Don't get me wrong. I am not giving excuses nor am i denying i am wrong. I'm just here giving my reasons and writing about my confusions. After days of lectures and talks on "How i should care about other people more blabla", i am now willing to learn this so-called "caring" thing, but baby steps eh? Go slow on me.

You know what, at times i do care. I just have a problem of expressing it. Those who have read the post i wrote about my dad on Father's Day, you should know that i have this problem towards my family too. These people, the ones close to me, it's not that they didn't matter, but sometimes i have a hard time showing them and letting them know that they in fact do matter to me.

This problem had cost me a few relationships before this, so when i came to think about it, i think i really do need to change. Bit by bit.

One of my friend had even recently told me that i have no common sense.

Man, this is severe.

Sara (bukan nama sebenar)

Manusia semua punya pilihan. Macam Sara (bukan nama sebenar).

Kini Sara berdiri di hujung persimpangan jalan, yang cabangnya ada dua. Sara buntu harus ke mana. Dia khuatir dia salah pilih, kerana saat dia melangkah ke jalan yang dipilih, hidupnya mungkin berubah. Paling kurang pun 70%.

Dia toleh kiri. Jalan kiri menjanjikan keselamatan. Tapi itu cuma di fikiran Sara. Sara fikir jalan itu selamat kerana Sara nampak keadaan jalan itu sama dengan keadaan jalan yang telah dia lalui selama 19 tahun hidup di muka Bumi. Sara yakin tidak ada monster bahaya yang menanti di sepanjang jalan kiri. Mungkin elok jika Sara pilih jalan ini, namun selamat tidak bererti bahagia. Selamat di jalan kiri membawa maksud kekosongan dan kebiasaan. Tidak ada yang luar daripada normal. Ah, bosan bukan.

Sara toleh pula pada jalan kanan. Untuk melalui jalan kanan, Sara perlu lakukan sedikit pendakian. Sara dapat lihat dari tempat dia berdiri sekarang, di hujung jalan kanan ada kebahagiaan. Di sana cahayanya terang, dan muzik indah sentiasa bermain. Dia pasti sekiranya dia ke sana, dia akan menari berkaki ayam tanda kegembiraan.

Jikalau diberi pilihan ini kepada orang lain, sudah tentu dengan pantas jalan kanan akan dipilih. Kerana jalan kanan terang terangan menjanjikan kebahagiaan. Tetapi tidak bagi Sara. Berdasarkan pengalaman Sara selama ini, janji itu semua bullshit. Janji, merupakan satu perkataan yang tidak boleh dipakai.

Dan aku bagitahu kau lagi satu rahsia. Rahsia terbesar kenapa Sara begitu susah untuk memilih jalan kanan.

Sara merupakan seorang gadis yang takutkan kebahagiaan.

Shhhhh (jari telunjuk pada bibir)

Sara berpegang pada satu ungkapan orang mat salleh, "The higher you go, the harder you'll fall." Belum apa apa lagi dia sudah fikirkan kemungkinan dikecewakan oleh kebahagiaan. Ya, Sara sedikit pengecut. Pernah suatu hari Sara rasa dia mahukan pendapat, maka dia tweet "Jalan kiri atau jalan kanan, which one should i choose?" Rata-rata rakan Twitternya menyuruhnya memilih jalan kanan. Timelinenya penuh dengan ayat yang berbunyi ala ala "We want you to be happy, girl. Go right!" Namun tidak satu pun yang berjaya meyakinkan Sara.

Maka once upon a time, gadis bernama Sara ini dengan takut takut memilih jalan kiri. Baginya, mungkin jalan kiri tidak menjanjikan kebahagiaan, yang penting dia yakin tidak akan ada kekecewaan. Dengan berkaki ayam, perlahan lahan Sara tiptoe dirinya ke jalan kiri. Hari ketika itu sangat gelap dan penglihatannya kurang jelas. Sara teruskan sahaja perjalanannya sampaikan dia terlelap di bawah satu pokok.

Pagi esoknya Sara menjerit. Dia terkejut kerana kini dia sudah separuh perjalanan, namun ke arah yang salah. Dia lihat dirinya berada di jalan kanan, dan bukanlah di jalan kiri seperti yang disangkanya. Dengan penuh ketakutan, Sara lari kembali ke persimpangan jalan tadi. Dia tidak mengerti bila, bagaimana, kenapa ini boleh terjadi.

Malam semalam dia yakin kakinya berjalan di tanah jalan kiri. Mungkin..... hatinya yang membawanya ke jalan kanan.

Jadi sekarang Sara buntu di persimpangan jalan itu sekali lagi. Sudah seminggu dia berkhemah di situ. Dia tidak tahu harus ke mana.

Kerana setiap kali dia ke kiri, ada suatu kuasa sakti yang akan menyeretnya kembali ke jalan kanan.

Mungkin dia akan tempuhi saja jalan kanan. Mungkin. Tapi dia perlukan perisai kebal untuk jaga hatinya. Ya, mungkin dia ke kanan, tapi harus berperisai. Harus.

Extra-free food-vaganza

So last weekend was pretty much like a reunion for me and my high school friends. The main event that had get us going was Syazana Rosley's barbeque party at her place, an occasion i was informed she makes every year to welcome Ramadhan. At first not many wanted to come, so i was kinda disappointed cause I LOVE FREE FOOD, and in order to get there, i need a ride.

But thank God for Emira! She decided to come all the way from UTP to join in the fun and kindly picked me, Syazliza, Aqasya and a bunch of UIA kids. Syazana Amran and her army found out about the plan and decided to join too, providing another car. Suddenly everyone turun kampung!

The BBQ was held at night, so before that we went to Ria's kenduri doa selamat (more free food hehe). She was scheduled to fly to the States last Wed to pursue her studies so it was kinda like a farewell too for us. Pity her, having to celebrate Ramadhan & Syawal there.

My cheek contains a lot of food when they snapped this

It's been a while since i last met her. Back in Form 4 i think, back when she was still with us in school. She moved when we were in Form 5. I used to spend a lot of time with her since we're both in the dance team. We practiced together 24/7 back then, so you can say that we were pretty tight in terms of the number of hours we meet each other every day. But we were not that tight emotionally though.

Ria (in blue baju kurung) still smokin as usual after 3 years. Her house is huge!

After Ria's, we randomly went to Empire Subang just for the sake of killing some time before the BBQ. My friends had these crazy ideas of wanting to play roller blades and the looong slide inside the store. But when we reached there, we noticed that there's a Stellar bazaar going on. Heck girls will always be girls, seeing pretty handbags and clothes on display, our attention automatically shifted. Bye bye roller blades, hello shopping.

Syazana Amran shopping like a boss. She managed to score a free handbag that day. I don't know how the hell she did it. I am 70% convinced that it's black magic.

And then it was BBQ time! I followed Emira to pick up the UIA kids, while the other car went to the BBQ first. We rushed like mad, and eventually arrived at Syazana Rosley's. Ate like a hungry ape and a few minutes later my interest was shifted to the karaoke room. I'm thankful that i have such shy friends, they don't like singing in public, so the mic was all mine. Muahaha. 5 years later when i get married, a karaoke room would definitely be on top of my want list. Dear future husband, please take note.




After a night filled with gossips, BBQ smoke, laughter and fun, it was time for us to part ways. It was kinda sad leaving, since i can't see some of these faces that often.

Syazana Rosley, thanks for the hospitality and awesome food. Oh and your mum rocks by the way.

Syazana Amran and Emira, thank you for driving and providing transport. Give your BMW and Naza a hug from me.

Durra, Aqasya, Syazliza, Asma, Farahim, Fakhira, Ismah, Adillah, Fateen, Nazurah, and Nadia, thanks for a wonderful day.

We should make a buka puasa event soon. 20th anyone?

Welcomimg August, welcoming Ramadhan

Happy Ramadhan people!

Here's a couple of photos to get you guys more into the mood of fasting :)















Ramadhan isn't all about fasting, but more than that. I really hope everyone, including myself, would take the most out of this blessed month and try to catch up on all the deeds. For all we know, his could be our last Ramadhan, so savour it guys, before it's too late.

Goodbye syaitans. Too bad you can't go out to play for a whole month! We ain't gonna miss you suckers.